March 12, 2008

Your Body's A Temple, Mine Is A Shotgun Shack

IMHAMO (In my high and mighty opinion), one of the best things about Ironman training is the metabolism's reaction. In fact, my Ironman metabolism is the sole reason why I want to keep up this level of training. (I won't keep up this level of training after Arizona, but I want to. It's the thought that counts.)

I've already been blessed with high metabolism, but this incessant training takes it up a notch. I can eat and eat and eat - and it's all like throwing paper into a fire. In a matter of minutes, it's as if it never existed.

As you probably have heard, one of the most critical aspects of Ironman racing is nutrition. On race day, the right nutrition is the difference between a great day and an IV drip. But even before race day, nutrition is critical. Throughout training, the right nutrition is the key to recovery. And if you recover properly, you don't get injured, you don't get sick and you can wake up again on another day at another ungodly hour to do another ridiculously long workout.

Eat healthy, they say. You're body's a temple, they say.

Well let me tell you, if my body's a temple, it's much closer to the Church's Chicken end of the spectrum than the Taj Mahal. Seriously folks, let's look at this one.

All this Ironman training creates such a high metabolism that you actually burn off the food before it even touches your tongue. It's a Get Out Of Fat Free card.

So be honest, if you could eat as much as you want of anything you want anytime you want, would you really be lining up at the salad bar? Do you want to nibble on carrots until you start growing a little bunny tail? No siree bob. If didn't have parents, I don't want to eat it.

Give me a burger, a steak, an entire chicken. I'll have a large pizza please with everything on it. In fact, make it two. Give me a Fred Flintstone portion of spare ribs and don't forget the extra sauce. Do I want fruit or potatoes? Bitch please... fruit?! Don't insult me. Give me potatoes, top them with cheese, and pile all the chili you've got on it. While we're at it, a bucket of ice cream would be nice. Some chocolate. A cheesecake. A wafer thin mint.

Now excuse me, I need to go eat.