March 30, 2008

A Little Etiquette Maybe

I found a little something that might be beneficial to some of you people out there. You know who you are.

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A friend of mine came up to me the other day and told me that the Theory of Three has altered her view of lap swimming. Now, whenever she is sharing a lane with two other people, she has something to think about. She marvels in the various roles played out in a 25 yard lane. She becomes mortified by the douchebaggyness of certain swimmers, is amazed at the pinhead maneuvers and revels in the victimization she witnesses.

It has made my lap swimming so much more enjoyable, she said. At least I recognize that everybody is playing a role. It's just the natural order of the universe in play. Like NASCAR, but without a Home Depot logo on my ass.

And just as I was about to say how glad I was to have helped her out, she continued on...

But something happened in the pool the other day that I just couldn't figure out. I think I found the rabbit's hole of the Theory of Three.

I was intrigued. Catherine and I had thoroughly analyzed the Theory of Three from every angle. So I listened. Here's the story she told me...

My friend, let's call her Alice, was swimming laps all alone in a lane when another, seemingly friendly woman, flagged her to stop. As Alice reached the end of the lane and looked up, the woman leaned down and, in a gracious tone, asked Alice if she and her friend could share the lane with her. Glancing at all the other over-packed lanes and recognizing there were not a lot of other choices, Alice said yes, no problem.

Alice continued on with her swim.

As usual, when Alice reached the other side of the pool, she touched the wall, turned around and began swimming back. That's when she saw it. Coming up on her were the two new women. More importantly they were both on kickboards and - get this - they were kick-boarding side-by-side. No room for anybody else to pass. That's right, they had asked if they could share the lane, then they took over the darn thing. There they were, just yakking it up as if nobody else was in the lane with them.

Needless to say, Alice was perplexed. My God, she thought, it's two douchebags in one lane. This proves everything about the Theory of Three wrong. The world went into a tailspin, everything started getting blurry. She was confused. Or was she?

So let's consider this a quiz. What do you think? Two douchebags? Or was there still a douchebag, a victim and a pinhead? If so, who played each role? (answer below)

Answer: Alice was clearly the victim. As for the woman who initially asked if she and her friend could share the lane, she was the douchebag. Her douchebaggyness was exemplified in her dishonest communication. She had no intention of "sharing" the lane but really wanted to "take over" the lane. She had the audacity to try and deceive Alice. Douchebag. The other friend, the one who just went along with the plan, well, there's your pinhead.


cherelli said...

Oooo, that gets my blood simmering!! I am a frequent submerged enraged victim suffering as the result of a douchebag; to stop being a victim I am now very wary whenevr the same question is asked of me and I specify "as long as you do laps to the right of the black line so we can pass each other there shouldn't be any problems", smile a shark smile of warning then I push off the wall...

ChrisM said...

I found the solution. Long, slow swims with thundering flip turns. Never look up. Never look back. Thay can't stop you unless they tackle you, which makes them, by default, the douchebag, and me, by default, the victim.

Can you tell I am starting to hate my pool?

Anonymous said...

This is hysterical-SO true when some moron decides to do the butterfly with 6 other people in the lane...JERK!!