September 01, 2006

Range Rover Drivers Can Kiss My Tuchus

I've had it up to here with Range Rover drivers. [You can use your imagination to figure out what where "here" is. ] Seriously, what's their problem? Are they all retarded? For years I thought that the odds of every Range Rover driver being such a reckless imbecile is so infinitesimally small, it couldn't possibly be true. I have spent the past few years giving them all the benefit of the doubt when I see them on the road. But I've stopped; now instead of giving any benefit, I just doubt. I also don my armor, throw on my pith helmet and run for cover. Apparently the moment you get behind the wheel of a Range Rover, you are no longer a part of our functioning, safe society.

Maybe there's less oxygen in Range Rovers. That might explain it. I mean, it's no Everest, but the cars are definitely high off the ground. Perhaps when people vault themselves into the seat and close those oversized Range Rover doors, there is not enough oxygen in there to maintain human existence. Maybe the lack of oxygen sucks the normal right out of their brains and impairs their already sorely malfunctioned judgement. Let me suggest that they install those little airplane oxygen masks that can pop down from the sun-blocker thingy for the drivers to wear. Or better yet, require Range Rover drivers to wear full scuba gear, oxygen tank and all. The driving couldn't get any worse so I'm not really concerned about the flippers getting in the way.

I'd like to say it all started with the Range Rover that nearly ran me down the other day while I was crossing the street, but it started long before then. And it started long before the Range Rovers that cut me off on the highway a few months ago as they merged into my lane without looking. And it surely started long before last year when the Range Rover made that U-Turn in rush hour traffic and slammed into me while I was riding my bicycle. I'll carry the scar of that one for the rest of my life.

I beg of you Range Rover drivers... please, in the name of all things sacred and traffic enforced, try to keep your eyes open when you drive. At the very least, buy a new car - maybe then you won't be such a menace to society.

By the way, I talked to Catherine about this - she said they can kiss her ass too. So you're in big trouble now.
Start puckering.


Anonymous said...

I am proud to be a Range driver . Maybe you should get yourself on one and then do your comments . That is if you are actually able to afford one. HAhahahhahahahahah

Anonymous said...

I love Range Rovers...Can't wait to get mine in a few years time XD...
I'll try to drive safely....I'll carry an O2 tank with

Anonymous said...

I drive a Range Rover and I also ride a bike. Don't stereotype all of us into one group.