Dancing With My Girlfriend

15 minutes! Catherine screamed in excitement. I can't wait! I can't wait!!

She was virtually bouncing off the walls with anticipation. I looked up from the computer that was laying on my body, which itself was laying on the couch. Yep, I acknowledged and smiled. You're so happy about it.

I know! she burst with joy. I can barely stand it!

As her excitement stimulated the happiness in my heart to grow a few delicate notches, I meandered back to whatever gobbledygook I was pounding onto the keyboard.

There is something weirdly dulcifying about happiness that I suppose can be compared to BenGay in one of my bizarrely apropos type of ways. Hear me out on this one...

If you're loved one is in pain, perhaps in the evening after a gruelingly long brick workout, they may rub some Ben Gay on their muscles to soothe that pain. As you're laying next to them in bed, physically and emotionally drained from another tiring day, maybe your body ever so softly touches theirs. In that brief and subtle contact, the Ben Gay mysteriously jumps off their skin and blends into yours. Just as suddenly you feel that soothingly cool heat flow through your body.

That's what a lover's happiness is like - the soothingly contagious transfer of Ben Gay. Just by making them happy, so to it eases your pain.

So I lay there on the couch, typing away on my keyboard with Catherine's happiness, like Ben Gay, spreading it's icy hot joy into my heart. And just as suddenly she erupted again.

7 more minutes! 7 more minutes! I don't think I can even last that long. I can't stand it!! I'm going to die from too much excitement.

I know you are, honey. You're going crazy!

No, you don't understand, she exclaimed, rising from her seat and bounding across the room. This is like the Tour de France for me. I am SO hooked on it. I LOVE it. I'm going to be so sad when it's over. I can't believe this is the last night.

Catherine, you see, has become addicted to Dancing With The Stars. In fact, addiction probably isn't even the proper word. Severe and utter infatuation may be more fitting.

There are three people that my girlfriend is in love with: Ivan Basso, Apolo Ohno and me.
And I'm a very distant third.

I've known this for awhile, and I accept it. I'm fine with being third in line because, after all, I'm the one that gets to spend the days with her and is lucky enough to go home with her every night.

I went to Catherine's workplace not too long ago to help her with something or other. On her wall was a black and white copy of a photo of me and her. The photo was from our 2005 trip to Hawaii. It's not my favorite photo, but she really likes it, and that's enough to make me happy.

I needed to use the computer so I sat at her desk and touched the keyboard to wake it from it's hibernation. As the screen came to vibrant life, I found myself face to face with yet another photo that was the background on her desktop. Perfect positioning for a picture she'd want to stare at hours upon hours during every working day of every week. Unfortunately, the photo was not of me. Nope. It was Ivan Basso staring right back at me.

OK, I know she's got this little thing for Signore Basso, but for goodness sakes, why am I relegated to black and white while he's got a full color smile? How about a little, ya know, somethin-somethin for the hometeam?

But, alas, the Tour is still a couple of months away. I won't hear the daily cravings for Ivan in the near future. I will let her have her daily drool and keep her Ivan idolatry in the confines of her desk. Regardless, Sir Ivan ain't gonna be at the Tour this year anyway - the illegal drug taking so-and-so.

But now I've got someone else to deal with. This Apolo character. Apolo this, Apolo that, Apolo is so cute. Apolo better win. I don't know what I'll do if Apolo doesn't win. These are the things I hear time and again. Dancing day after Dancing day.

I finally confronted Catherine a couple of weeks ago.

You're in love with Apolo, aren't you?

Yes I am, she said matter of factly.

I admit, that wasn't exactly the answer I was expecting. I didn't really have a response.

Oh. That was all I had. If my girlfriend is going to be in love with some other guy, I reckon there are few better than Apolo Ohno to take that position. He seems like a friendly gent. Fairly smart, rather attractive and pretty darn athletically talented. And I've gotta admit, the boy can dance.

Fortunately, Apolo won Dancing With The Stars this season or I'm sure I'd never hear the end of it. I can only imagine that had he lost to Joey "Captain Dork" Fatone, Catherine may have very well slipped into a tailspin of depression and homicidal rage.

Being the third in line of her love, I want to make sure that the other two keep her happy. Because when Catherine is happy, my heart is filled with joy.

Go, Apolo, go.