A Very Important Press Release

This is a very important press release, so pay attention. You may want to even take notes. Perhaps you should consider printing this out and putting it on your refrigerator. Tattooing the information on the inside of your eyelids wouldn't be too far out of the question.

Here's the info: My girlfriend, Catherine, is amazing.

Pretty simple, eh? Feel free to send this out to the Universal Press Syndicate if you happen to know anybody there.

There are a variety of reasons why she is amazing. Of course there's her intelligence. And her friendliness. We can't forget her compassion and definitely not her sense of humor. Then there's the beauty... ah, the beauty. But this press release isn't talking about any of those things. What we're promoting in this very important press release is her uncanny ability to kick buttock.

You see, Catherine used to be a couch potato in every possible sense of the word. I mean, she wasn't actually a potato. She's always been human, so I suppose it's not every sense of the word... but you know what I mean.

For some reason, she started doing a little bit of walk-jogging a bunch of years ago and ended up walk-jogging a marathon or two. Through it all she never really saw the brighter side of 11 minute miles. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but you'll see where this story is going.

For some other reason that is currently unbeknownst to me (but that should be knownst to me, now that I think about it), Catherine decided to try her hand at swimming and biking. Oh wait, I remember - it's knownst. A couple of her friends decided to do the Malibu Triathlon together so Cat joined the team. That was the reason she started swimming and biking. Yeah, that's the ticket.

As soon as she started, Cat absolutely hated swimming and the more she tried the worse it became. She kinda liked the biking part, so stuck with that. She started running more and slowly transitioned the "walk" out of the "walk-jogging." Next thing you know, she's finished Malibu and is all of the sudden a triathlete.

Things get a little foggy from this point on cause this is where the metamorphosis happens. Since that Malibu race a few short years ago, Catherine has transformed from a post-couch potato caterpillar to a tri-utterfly (That's not even close to being funny, but you can't hurt a guy for tryin'). She consistently finishes in the top 3 of her age group at just about every multi-sport event she races.

The second multi-sport race Catherine ever did in her life (the one after Malibu), happened to be the Duathlon National Championships. She finished 3rd in her age group. That of course brought her to the third multi-sport race of her career: the Duathlon Long Course World Championships in Italy. Yep, third place again. She's only been in this game for a few years and already has more hardware than Bob Villa.

Fast forward a couple more years and we find ourselves at the first race in the Bonelli triathlon series earlier this week. The first race of the season is always tough, there's that itch of doubt that yearns for a good scritchin'. You're just nearing the end of the dreadfully boring base training phase, yet still so far away from any speed workouts in your training season.

But still, Catherine threw her doubts over her shoulder and stepped up to the starting line of this sprint triathlon.

First of all, swimming is Catherine's weakest sport. So you can imagine my surprise when she came out of the water as the 10th woman... overall! Holy Dolphin Flippers, Aquaman! What a great head start to then have her zip through the bike and run like a regular old pro.

So how'd she do?
Yep, third place in her age group, thank you very much.

That's my woman - the transformer. From potato to medal winner. Amazing, really.

And that, my friend, is why we've had this very important press release.
Thanks for listening.

P.S. For the record, if my girlfriend ever were a potato, she'd definitely be a sweet potato.
: )
Though maybe a little less orange.