9 Ways The Olympics Could Be More Fun

1. Have the synchronized divers each hold a set of torches. On fire. Just like in Acapulco.

2. Show Michael Phelps' mom after every American medal performance, regardless of the sport or athlete. We clearly didn't see her enough.

3. Two words: strip volleyball

4. Make the Sack Race and the Three Legged Race official Track & Field events

5. Allow competitors to punch any rival who is showboating (coughUsainBoltcough)

6. Have the fencers use the big heavy swords like in Pirates of the Caribbean. And, oh, make them talk like Jack Sparrow too.

7. Javelin catchers.

8. Make archery more old school. Forget the targets. Man with apple on head. William Tell style, yo.

9. Forget the 16 year old minimum age for gymnastics. Imagine a couple of 7 year olds on the balance beam? How cute is that?!

10. Instead of just playing the gold medal winners' national anthem, give 'em a microphone and
make it karaoke.

11. Biathlon, triathlon, pentathlon, decathlon... hows about the Quintathlon. Participants compete in every single Olympic event. Let's see who wins that one.